When I was five, my parents went away on a one week vacation.
I went to the door, and who did I see? The best Grandma in the nation!

“Hey Jon, Jon! Grandma’s here! Do you know what that means?
We get to stay up late and watch movies, and eat lots of ice cream and go to Brigham’s!”

Chorus:
Life is good, yeah, life is sweet
Grandma's here so let's have a treat
Come sit down and watch a movie
Eat some cake and feeling groovy

Grandma let us stay up late that night to watch
James Bond in For Your Eyes Only
And Grandma seemed to have her eyes on Roger Moore
She said, “That Roger Moore is quite handsome.”

“Jon, Jon! Do you think Grandma and Roger Moore could get married?”
“Wow! That would be so cool! Grandma married to James Bond!”
“I get to sit next to Grandma.”
“No, I do! It’s my turn!”
“If Grandma sits in the middle, then we both get to sit next to her.”

Chorus

Grandma told me she came from Foggia
Which is across the Adriatic Sea . . .
I said, “Grandma, let’s go back there and visit someday,”
But she said she can’t because she’s an alien . . .

“Jon, Jon! Grandma said she’s an alien . . . Like ET . . .
I wanna go ride in her spaceship!”

Grandma drives her blue Buick Regal spaceship really slow
She drives 10 miles per hour in a 40 mile per hour zone
She points to a sign and says the speed limit is 16
“Grandma, I think that means route 16.”

Chorus

Someday when I’m older, and they find a cure for cooties
Maybe, I’ll have kids and grand kids of my own
And we can go feed the ducks, and walk through the autumn leaves,
Eat lots of ice cream, and watch movies!

Chorus

“Jon! Mom and Dad are coming home today, and you know what that means!
Grandma’s going to have to go back to her house,
And no more staying up late and watching movies and eating lots of ice cream.”

“Grandma, Jon and I were thinking . . .
Even though mom and dad are coming home today,
Maybe you could stick around the house for a bit?”